Brice Cherry: Which character of 'The Office' is each Big 12 school?
The greatest fire drill I’ve ever seen was not the incredible last-second, game-winning field goal by TCU against Baylor last season.
No, the most exciting fire drill in history had to be the one that Dwight Schrute initiated on his Dunder Mifflin pals.
Remember that classic “cold open?” from The Office? Dwight sets a fire to test the office’s preparedness, and it leads to pure, hilarious chaos. The snack machine gets raided, both Oscar and a cat crash through the roof panels, the office workers turn the copy machine into a would-be battering ram, and the whole event reaches a climax with Stanley suffering a (non-fatal) heart attack.
Now, you might be thinking to yourself, “You watch The Office too much.” To that, I’d counter, “Not possible.”
That NBC comedy series that ran from 2005-13 still lingers as uproariously re-watchable upon repeat viewings. The ensemble cast gave viewers kooky characters that remain distinctly memorable, to the point where you can’t help but stumble upon their parallels in everyday life.
This week I decided to take on the challenge of determining which Office character each Big 12 school would be. Conference room, five minutes? You betcha. It wasn’t completely an original idea, as I was inspired by a post I came across that linked a brand of beer with each Big 12 program. Somehow in my TV-rotted brain, the Big 12-Office marriage became clear.
Yes, it’s a silly idea, but it would hardly be my first. So, let’s travel back to Dunder Mifflin and meet the gang again, Big 12-style.
Like Angela, Baylor is proudly religious and often uptight. (Sorry, Baylor fans, but it’s true.) Many would suggest that Baylor used its political ties to get ahead. As the story goes, Baylor was chosen for the Big 12 when the conference was formed due to the influence of politicians (and Baylor grads) Ann Richards and Bob Bullock. So too, Angela married a senator, less for love and more for status.
During the “Café Disco” episode of The Office, Angela’s aloof nature was on full display, as she tried to dodge all the dancing. Ultimately she couldn’t really help herself, much like when Baylor famously lifted its ban on on-campus dancing in the 1990s. She’s quirky and snobbish and a little gruff, but you still find yourself rooting for the office’s most petite accountant, just like the Big 12’s little private-school underdog, Baylor.
(Honestly, how could Baylor be anyone else? Angela Kinsey, the actress who gave life to the character of Angela Martin throughout the series’ run, is a 1993 Baylor graduate.)
The odd duck of the office, Creed sits on the periphery and is blissfully ignorant of much of the everyday proceedings. No offense, but sounds a lot like our friends way out there in Mountaineer country. They’re a little weird, a little different, but we love ‘em anyway.
Besides, Creed is definitely the Office character most likely to set a couch on fire.
Everybody likes Pam. She’s sweet and friendly, the ideal receptionist. Similarly, what’s not to like about Kansas State? The Wildcats and their fans never seem to ruffle anyone’s feathers. They’ve even got the word “Family” in the name of their football stadium.
K-State is always there, but you don’t get too worked up over the Wildcats. They could walk across flaming coals and you might not even notice. In that vein, they’re kind of like the advice that director Allison Jones gave actress Jenna Fischer when she went to audition for the role of Pam: “Dare to bore me.”
Otherwise known as the new Pam. Like Pam, Erin is sweet and lovable, but also innocent and homespun and daffy. No offense to our pals in Ames, but few fan bases seem less self-aware than Iowa State.
But they’re passionate, just like the perky Erin. Nobody in the Big 12 does tailgating better than Iowa State. And Erin can certainly surprise you with her level of partying, as she showed in “The Christmas Party” episode when she imbibed in one too many holiday spirits.
In football, the Jayhawks have long been the butt of Big 12 jokes, just as Kevin takes a lot of ribbing in the Office. If anyone in the conference is going to be ridiculed for their tendency to sound like Cookie Monster, or is most likely to drop a pot of chili on the carpet, it’s Kansas.
But also this: Kansas and Kevin both have the ability to surprise you. With Kevin, it showed up with his superb musical ability or his prowess in a game of poker. With Kansas, it happened in the 2022 season, as KU stepped up and made a bowl game for the first time in 14 years. With these guys, surprises show up once in a (Jayhawk) blue moon.
Much like Pam, Phyllis is one of the more universally liked, seemingly harmless members of the Dunder Mifflin family. That figures to be the role of those friendly BYU Cougars too, as they take a “hey, we’re sure happy to be here!” approach to joining the Big 12.
But don’t cross Phyllis (or BYU). Angela found that out the hard way, as Phyllis used blackmail to dethrone her as head of the party planning committee. Meanwhile, BYU is undoubtedly liable to smile and shake your hand after the game, but don’t think the Cougars won’t bite you first. This is a consistent program that has eight 10-win seasons since 2000, including two of the past three years.
They’re the new guy we really don’t know that well. But they seem capable of some interesting storylines. Pete certainly made for better boyfriend material for Erin than, say, Andy or Gabe. And Houston seems like a worthy addition, too, especially if they remember to bring that highly ranked basketball team along.
The “other” new, young guy. Clark, aka Dwight Junior, proved capable of some funny moments, particularly when his attempt to woo Erin with a fake TV news audition backfired in his face.
UCF likewise shouldn’t be overlooked just because it’s young. The Knights ascended to the Division I ranks in 1996, but since that time they’ve made a steady climb, with 12 bowl trips in the past 14 seasons. That includes, of course, a Fiesta Bowl win over Baylor back in 2013.
Tech lives on the edge, in more ways than one. Geographically, the Red Raiders always feel a little removed from the rest of the league, as they’ve been the western-most member since the exodus of Colorado and before the arrival of BYU. They're out there, man.
Similarly, we often forget about Packer, given that he works in the field and isn’t part of the day-to-day office shenanigans. But, boy, is he ever a riot. No character, not even Roy, is rowdier. Same goes for those loud and proud Red Raider fans. If anyone would have been capable of zinging a tortilla across the office, it’s Packer, for sure.
Oscar’s kind of a nerd, albeit a lovable one. He’s the guy everyone turns to for facts and advice and numbers. Cincy’s our Oscar because of its pragmatic, calculated path to college football prominence. A football independent until 1995, the Bearcats have become a major player on the national scene since the turn of the century, including making the College Football Playoff in 2021, while its big-name, in-state rival Ohio State watched from home that season.
With no Texas A&M in the Big 12 anymore, OSU is almost Dwight by default. Everyone’s favorite beet farmer (OSU started out as an agricultural school, too) is a bigger character on the show than he probably gets credit for. In much the same way, OSU has been a consistent tentpole for the Big 12 over the past two decades under the watchful guidance of Mike Gundy. (Gundy, like Dwight, is prone to embarrassingly comical outbursts.)
But count Dwight out at your own peril. By the end of the series, he lands his dream gal in Angela and ascends to his dream job, that of regional manager. With OU and Texas leaving soon, Oklahoma State could very likely follow a similar trajectory, as the boss in charge of the New Big 12.
If Dwight is Oklahoma State, Jim has to be OU. That is, the familiar nemesis whose shadow one can’t escape. Jim’s pranks against Dwight are both legion and legendary. OU’s longtime dominance over OSU felt like a mental edge as much as anything.
Jim is arguably the protagonist of The Office, as his romance with Pam provides the heartbeat of the show. The Sooners could also qualify as the protagonist of the Big 12 in the conference’s relatively short history, the consistent, steady force who always seemed to be a contender on the national scene. Jim didn’t have bad episodes, and OU generally didn’t have bad seasons, 2022 notwithstanding.
Consider it both a compliment and an insult, Frog fans. On the plus side, Michael stands out as one of the great characters in TV history, and the show definitely declined in quality a bit after his departure. TCU, meanwhile, brings a lot to the league, including becoming the first team not named the Sooners to make the CFP last season.
But TCU and Michael Scott are also both underdogs. Michael, because of his bumbling mismanagement and proclivity to stick his foot in his mouth. TCU, because of its status as the smallest school in the league and also because of the Frogs’ conference-hopping path to the Big 12. And maybe it’s just me, but I feel like TCU is most prone to bringing comical moments to the conference, though we miss the sweaty, disheveled Gary Patterson in that regard.
Come on, this is too easy. Nobody is more pretentious than Andy, and the same holds true for the Longhorns.
Most likely to apply nipple cream to avoid chafing before a fun run? That’s Texas. Most likely to inadvertently date a high school student? Yep, Texas. Most prone to incessantly reminding us where they went to college? You guessed it — Texas.
Despite it all, Andy’s fun to have around, even if he has an inflated sense of self-worth. When Andy was off sailing his yacht or going through anger management classes, you could sense his absence in the office. Similarly, we’ll miss Texas when it leaves the Big 12 (even if we don’t want to admit it), if for no other reason than for the unintentional comedy factor.
The coup de gras? When Andy, ahem, injures his nether regions while making an ill-fated attempt at the splits, he’s wearing a burnt orange-colored sweater.
