‘It’s wokeness gone mad’: Inside day one of Auckland’s First XV rugby media ban

Sacred Heart will take a lot of stopping in the Auckland 1A first XV competition this year.

And just as hard to halt - even in the face of a new school principal-invoked mediaban this season - will be press coverage of the competition, which draws thousands of sideline eyeballs at six Auckland matches most winter Saturdays.

That’s the two-pronged conclusion after Sacred Heart handed out a commanding 58-22 rugby lesson to King’s College. On the day of a King’s coronation elsewhere, this was essentially a King’s dethroning down at the end of Golf Ave, Ōtāhuhu.

And the fact you are getting to read about it here in more detail than ever gives a hint that this new-fangled media ban still needs a scrum reset or two.

There is an undeniable irony to a media blackout leading to a far more forensic press scrutiny of a schoolboy match than would have otherwise occurred. More player names dropped, more observations noted, more bouquets and brickbats dished out than the supposedly more media-friendly days when a few coach platitudes and a man-of-the-match nomination via the phone might have sufficed.

But late last year the Auckland 1A school principals decided there was an unhealthy level of scrutiny and pressure on their players. Their solution was to kill an ant with a sledgehammer and ban television broadcasts - leading to the subsequent nationwide loss of schoolboy rugby coverage, even in areas where they have no media hang-ups - as well as halting all media communication.

Schools have every right to exert their authority in this manner, though perversely, by doing so they have ended up with less control of the media narrative (their original concern) than previously. In taking a hard line, they’ve effectively surrendered their “soft power”.

On the pitch, Sacred Heart exert their authority on the opening day of the season with a skilful, athletic and determined showing. They have an edge with their pack, which is the same as last year, while the game-breakers are in their backline. Fullback Cohen Norrie is a real talent, first five Rico Simpson is superb and wiry winger Jayden Griffen-Salt is, erm, tasty.

But we’re getting ahead of the ball here.

King’s College have won the 1A competition 16 times, most recently in 2019, while Sacred Heart have won six titles, but not since 1965.

This year’s outcome is still months away, but the more immediate prize on offer in this showdown is the Fitzpatrick-Kirkpatrick Cup, contested annually between the schools in honour of two former All Blacks captains who played for the schools (Ian Kirkpatrick for King’s and Sean Fitzpatrick for Sacred Heart). Two rugby stars who learned a thing or two about pressure - and media - over their careers.

There is real pressure on both teams to ensure a winning start to the season, exacerbated by supporters of both schools arriving en masse - at least a thousand or so - up to an hour before kickoff.

And where you get crowds, you get media. When people are talking about something, media should be reflecting it. That’s how media rolls.

So you’re there for day one of the controversial 1A media ban as much as the rugby itself.

At the school gate there is an imposing barrier arm and a uniformed security guard peers through the driver’s window and inquires: “What are you here for?”

You’re tempted to reply: “To make a mockery of a media ban, mate” - but belatedly remind yourself security guards have even less appreciation of sardonic humour than the teaching profession.

So you just mutter “rugby” and are duly directed to park your Trabant in a beautiful carpark alongside the Beamers, Mercs and hopelessly bloated SUVs.

It’s a short walk to the rugby pitch, past the merchandise desk below the pavilion - and you can’t help but ask yourself, is there an incongruity in schools shunning media but then flogging matchday merch to punters?

There’s also a one-page fold-over colour programme, surely the next casualty in any snowballing media ban. If you accept the principals’ underlying proposition about scrutiny being unhealthy, it is not hard to equate players having their names published for all to see in a programme as potentially problematic.

Regardless, there are more important matters on everyone’s minds.

The Mark Selwyn-coached Sacred Heart team have the Cup in tow, virtue of their win in 2022, while their supporters have arrived - some in face paint - confident of retaining it after an impressive pre-season. King’s, by contrast, have had mixed results, with a slightly younger team and less Pasifika players than you might have seen in the past.

To take on board the principals’ concerns, this match is a case study in pressure.

But pressure on players at this level isn’t a potential newspaper headline several days later. Pressure is hundreds of your peers - staunch enough to stand in the rain without coats of umbrellas for the duration - chanting their support and taunting the opposition. And vicariously living off your every match decision.

There are spectator pens for Sacred Heart on the far side and King’s on the College side.

The King’s boys, in their toff-ish stripey blazers, look like something out of Tom Brown’s School Days, while the girls wear frumpy oversized horse-blanket school skirts.

But it’s more the sound than the spectacle that catches you. They’re shouting their lungs out. This is a world removed from the stoicism of Eden Park. And almost everyone is friendly. The bed leg - symbol of after-dark respect at this boarding school, dating back to the Sam Uffindell era - is not required.

And it’s not much of a media ban. A pro photographer is snapping from inside the crowd barriers. A published photo has to be worth 1000 words in terms of unhealthy scrutiny.

The first big pressure moment in the match comes a few minutes in. Simpson is trying to kick the opening points of a Cup match for Sacred Heart while the King’s hardcore chant “O-VER-RATED, O-VER-RATED”.

It’s not their best work. A few years back they rolled out the extremely cutting “your dad works for my dad” chant at Auckland Grammar. It was only funny because it was probably true.

Turns out Simpson is NOT overrated. He proceeds to kick the goal, and loads of others. He plays a blinder, even after a “WORTH-LESS, WORTH-LESS” cat-call later in the day.

Hearts run strongly with pinpoint passing and their bustling new centre, Fijian Sunia Ragede, resplendent in pink headgear, dots down in the corner.

King’s reply with an easy penalty from fullback Luca Fuller, but Sacred Heart persist in winning King’s lineouts and after several mauls, prop Tonga Helu forces his way over for a converted try.

King’s go on the attack and attempt a long cut-out pass but Norrie has guessed the move and intercepts and runs 70 metres for a brilliant solo try, which Simpson again converts.

Finally something works for King’s and skipper Levi Gwynne scores under the posts following a clever chip kick.

But before the halftime whistle blows, Sacred Heart work their way through five phases for lock Dominic Kelleher to score, and it is 29-10.

During the break you do a small vox pop of attendees, on what they make of the media ban. Some replies are trite, but other are surprisingly thoughtful.

Chris, in a Sacred Heart scarf: “It’s just wokeness gone mad. Dealing with challenges is what sport is.”

Ed: “Wasting your time, mate. Have you ever known a principal to change his mind? They’re used to getting their own way and it’s not like they are elected.”

Elaine (King’s sweatshirt): “It might be an issue for people elsewhere, but not for us. We will follow King’s every week regardless.”

Dave: “They should have the headmasters parade on the pitch before the hakas, because this season it is all about them.”

Lee: “Anyone with business acumen would do the obvious thing and charge a broadcasting or media fee for the right to cover schoolboy rugby. Media are getting the benefit for free, but I’d invite the Herald or Sky to sponsor the competition. Problem solved.”

Lee’s mate Jeff: “King’s don’t need anybody’s money though. Probably even Sacred Heart don’t. So it’s not a money issue, it’s more an issue of pride. Principals want to show who is boss.”

Rob: “Media don’t create the pressure, but they do amplify it.”

Earl: “I love watching schoolboy rugby from all parts of the country on Sky TV and I don’t see why a handful of principals should be able to take that away from the wider game.”

Hot Dog: “The principals haven’t really made the case, have they? They haven’t presented any evidence, but everyone bows and scrapes and talks of respecting their decision. I think it’s about time they showed some respect.”

Name not supplied: “Just leave the kids alone. You’re as bad as Hoskings (sic).”

Interviews suspended.

King’s keep the contest alive at the start of the second half, running hard for flanker Johan Schaumekell to score. After the conversion the game is competitive again at 29-17.

But Simpson nails another penalty, and Norrie cleverly hits a gap to score his second.

Many spectators have lost track of the score. In the rain the electronic scoreboard has stopped functioning. “Fix the scoreboard,” chant the King’s crowd. This must be what they mean by “scoreboard pressure”.

King’s try to match a Hearts forward drive but the ball is stripped. Helu makes it over the line in the corner after good work from Griffin-Salt. Sub Ben Millard also scores and before you know it, it’s 51-17.

King’s narrow the margin when they run the blind from a scrum and winger James Ford scores to make it 51-22.

But the game turns ugly when Sacred Heart earn a penalty, only for a King’s player to deliberately slow the ball down. Hearts replacement prop Josh Kopua has no hesitation in giving him a possibly-deserved slap and there is an all-in stoush.

Kopua is sent off and Qortezz Tuala (King’s) is sin-binned. This sort of “naughty boy” detail used to get glossed over or fudged when the schools were feeding the media narrative, but now, a bit like the fight itself, it is open slather.

At the final whistle the Hearts supporters chant: “Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, Sacred Heart’s on fire” (sung to the 90s dance tune Freed From Desire by Gala, but better known these days as the football song Will Grigg’s on Fire).

King’s haven’t played badly, but what a start to the season for Sacred Heart. They have been brilliant. Have they ever put 50 points on King’s in the past 100 years? They are tough, fast, exceptionally skilful, even in the wet, and well-organised. It will be a tidy team that beats them.

Meanwhile King’s, coached by Mark Kennelly, Kevin Putt, Lynn Hunkin and Scott Palmer, are better than this scoreline suggests and will pocket plenty of points this season.

Later, in a video clip on the school’s Facebook page, King’s captain Gwynne calls Sacred Heart “a good team”.

“They really gave it to us today, but the boys [King’s] showed character in not giving up.”

For generations, “not giving up” has been the redeeming consolation for gallant losing rugby teams. Gwynne also confides that King’s will be looking to bounce back and win against Kelston on Saturday (though from a pure media perspective it would have been a lot more newsy if he had said they weren’t looking to win against Kelston).

So Hearts win, and hearts are won. However on the principals v media front, the result is still too early to call (though media have probably shaded it so far with a reporter and photographer both scything through the gaps in the media ban and then converting their chances).

But hey, both sides showed character, never gave up, and like King’s, will be looking for a stronger showing in round two.

Round one results: St Kentigern 46 Liston College 0; Kelston Boys 53 St Paul’s College 0; King’s College 22 Sacred Heart 58; Dilworth 0 Mt Albert Grammar 17; St Peter’s 35 Tangaroa 7; Auckland Grammar 21 De La Salle 25.

Saturday draw (home team first, all 2.30pm): St Kentigern v St Paul’s; Kelston v King’s College; Sacred Heart v Dilworth; Tangaroa v Mt Albert Grammar; De La Salle v St Peter’s; Liston v Auckland Grammar.

• Hamilton Boys’ High have won the Sanix World Rugby Youth Tournament in Japan for the fourth time after beating Higashi Fukuoka High (Japan) in the final. Napier Boys’ High beat Saga Technical (Japan) 40-30 in the playoff for third. Earlier Hamilton Boys’ had beaten Napier 52-19 in the semis.

• In a pre-season match on Saturday, Wesley College continued their fine pre-season form by defeating Rotorua Boys’ High 27-22 after trailing 5-22 at halftime.

• Readers are invited to send their first XV rugby updates, news snippets and hot takes to [email protected].