Saturday Predictions: Vanderbilt at Florida
Well, going into the season, we thought Vanderbilt opened the season with six beatable opponents before this weekend’s visit to the Swamp.
Vanderbilt, instead, is 2-4. But Florida doesn’t look like anything special. For instance, Florida lost 33-14 to Kentucky last week, and for comparison, Vanderbilt lost 45-28 to the same Kentucky team.
This Florida team also beat Tennessee. What do our writers think?
Tom Stephenson
Vanderbilt being an 18-point underdog at Florida is like Vegas daring me to bet on Vanderbilt. Really? 18 points? A bigger margin than Florida beat Charlotte by?
Yeah, Florida has a good defense. They also have a not great offense. Florida might really shut down Vanderbilt’s offense, particularly if Ken Seals is running it... and yet, I’m still not sure that Florida can even score enough to cover that? Look, I don’t think we’re going to win, and we’re probably not going to feel good about ourselves afterwards, either. But I do think Vanderbilt’s season-long winless streak against the spread ends today. Now, let’s go break open that glow stick and pour it in Homestar’s Mountain Dew. I hear they have to pump your stomach if you drink that stuff1
The Pick: Florida 25, Vanderbilt 11
The SEC Upset Pick of the Week: I regret to inform you that TEXAS A&M (+2.5) is going to beat Alabama.
Andrew VU ‘04
What to make of the 2023 Jorts? Well, going into the season, I thought they might have the type of roster that gets a coach fired. Then, they promptly lost to Utah without putting up a fight, confirming my guess. Until, you know, they beat Coach Bobby Hill and the Knoxville Buttchuggers (rendering the team to the East incapable of feeling like ‘98 for yet one more season). What the hell are we to make of that?
After a pretty easy victory over Grandmama and the Charlotte Hornets, they then came back to Earth and lost by 19 (33-14) to the same Jamal Mashburn Wedding Jerseys team that beat us by 17 (45-28) the week prior.
The fuck?
Yeah, I have no idea. My best guess is they’re a young, emotional, see-saw of a team, and it’s unfortunate for us that they’re just coming off a beatdown. Our O-Line is likely not to do whichever QB suits up for us on Saturday many favors. Their defense will be out for blood.
The Pick: Jorts 31 - Dores 10.
The SEC Upset Pick of the Week: I don’t really see any upsets happening today, but the one team that has looked ripe for an upset at the hands of a veteran team who doesn’t turn the ball over? Well, that’s Ugga. Denizens of Lexington, while I wouldn’t book the venue just yet, go ahead and keep your cousin’s backyard open on Saturday, invite the other cousin who got ordained on the internet, and dust off your Formal Wedding Jerseys... as there might just be a shotgun affair happening that evening. The Cats (+14.5) just might be peaking, and Ugga has been begging for a close loss all season.
Patrick Sawyer
Honestly, I almost feel like Vanderbilt SHOULD win the game tomorrow. The offense can be explosive enough when unleashed. Turnovers and an overriding insistence to establish the run, especially early in games, is neutering it though. The defense will probably give the QB who averages the fewest air yards per attempt exactly what he wants by playing soft zone, too.
As such, my prediction is that the coaches lose the game tomorrow. The game probably unfolds like the Missouri one, except Mertz and company are not as dangerous as Missouri’s attack with Cook. Florida’s offense self-stalling keeps the game closer, but that also means the Vanderbilt offense goes longer without opening up to the pass-heavy strengths.
The Pick: Vanderbilt 17, Florida 24
The SEC Upset Pick of the Week: I think I have to go with Kentucky, too. Actually, no, I will go against my Pick’em pick and take Missouri to beat LSU. The big win over the Commodores encourages the Yankee Tigers to take down the Bayou Bengals, and their weirdo loser of a conman coach. Kelly really tried to make a Columbia jackets joke this week. Seriously.
