Predicting Which Teams The Red Sox Players Picked To Win March Madness
If you’re reading this now, congratulations: you’ve officially reached one of the best—if not the singular best—sports weekend on the calendar. The NCAA Division I men’s basketball tournament is set to get underway on Thursday.
March is a horrible time of year when it comes to the weather, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t elite in sports-related terms. The World Baseball Classic this year boosts an already strong lineup headlined by March Madness and Opening Day. It’s weekends like these that provide an ideal bridge to the start of the Major League Baseball season.
As is tradition, millions of people nationwide have been filling out their brackets to test their knowledge (or, if you’re like me, lack thereof). If you’ve listened closely at any time over the past few days I’m sure you noticed someone pulling their hair out as they mull over which 5-12 upsets they do and don’t want to touch.
I can’t imagine that members of the Boston Red Sox are any exception to this. They’re competetive guys and with bragging rights—and oftentimes, real and legal American tender—on the line, I’m sure many players have thrown their hat into the ring.
So let’s have some fun to ring in the tourney and guess who the odds-on favorite in the Boston clubhouse to win it all is. Who do we think was picked by Red Sox players to cut down the nets in a few weeks?
Easiest pick of the bunch to lead us off. Dalbec played baseball at the University of Arizona, and the Wildcats are a 2-seed in this year’s field. I don’t see him going against his alma mater—especially when they have a realistic shot of going all the way. People will ride or die with the schools they attended even if they’re a longshot to win the NIT. Dalbec picking against the champs of the Pac-12 tourney would be treasonous.
Sticking with the high seeds, I think the big fella who’s slated to take over at first base in 2023 for the Sox will be riding with the Boilermakers. There’s nothing in his background to base this prediction off of, but another large human being hooping makes me think Triston would pick them in solidarity.
If you aren’t familiar with Purdue this year, meet Zach Edey. He’s 7’4” and he has bones the size of tree trunks. He’s also a candidate for the Naismith Trophy, presented to the top player in the nation each year.
As a big beefy baseball boy himself, I bet Casas saw Edey and knew instantly that that’s the dude he wanted to hitch his wagons to. I can’t say I neccesarily blame him if that’s the case.
Pretty simple connection here folks: the red-haired wonder is picking the team that bears his resemblence the closest.
And no, I don’t mean an elephant. He has wavy red locks of hair; literally a Crimson Tide. It’s called self-awareness, folks. It’s solidarity with those who have your background.
Bama wouldn’t be a bad pick by Tormund of Game of Thrones fame, as they enter March as the top overall seed in the entire tournament.
If there’s one thing you’ve gotta know about Chris Sale, it’s that he’s a Florida man through and through.
The crazy tank tops, the buckwild outbursts, you name it. His entire essence feels like an Allman Brothers Band jam session.
Florida guys need to stick together. Miami’s probably the best team representing the Sunshine State this March, so I would bet that Sale’s partnering with the Hurricanes in the Big Dance.
This is the exact type of situation where Kiké would wish for mayhem—madness, even!
Chaos reigns supreme this time of year in college basketball, so why wouldn’t Hernández go for the mother of all Cinderella predictions? The 16-seeded Islanders—who just had to win a First Four game earlier this week to even make it into the round of 64—are going against those top dogs in Alabama right away. It’s a tall task, but one that Kiké would at least have some fun taking up.
Besides: he’d be able to watch that game alongside his pal Justin with mutual rooting interests in place.
Booooooriiiiiing pick, but a business decision.
A bunch of people will groan whenever anyone takes the Blue Devils, even if they’re just a 5-seed this year, but Whitlock’s a pretty smart guy. Or, at least I think he is? He’s a pretty smart guy on the mound based on how he attacks hitters. Let’s just imagine he’s cultured off the diamond as well.
It’s a good thing for him if this prediction is correct, too, as Duke’s been riding a hot streak into the tournament. ACC champs and winners of 12 of their last 14 games, including their previous nine in a row? Not a bad pick, Garrett.
Rafael Devers is the sunshine of my life and he can never be incorrect about anything, ever. He is a genius and a man of culture, thousands of years advanced beyond all of us combined. He can see the future with 20-20 vision, which is exactly why he’s probably picking the University of Houston to take home the title in their hometown.
Him and I are He’s going to be correct, too. Only the smartest people out there are going with Houston. Of course, if you were wise as well you’d come on the journey with us him.
One final note: every single member of the Red Sox—nay, the world—would pick UMass in the women’s tournament had they qualified. We just know what’s best for ourselves after all. Our Minutewomen should’ve made it in as an at-large, but I digress.
Was there anybody, or any team, that I didn’t cover that you have a guess for this March? Let me know—I’d love to see why you think (picks random player) would choose (picks random school) in their bracket.
