Brutal Rangers roast sees unverified doctor beg for a Hotline nurse as Celtic diehards prey on massive fear

It's tools away time for the Scottish Premiership as International football takes centre stage.

But that won’t stop Hotline punters plumbing new debts when it comes to Rangers and Celtic point scoring in the domestic game. Managerless Rangers got back to winning ways at St Mirren on Sunday but the patter is still draining.

Paul McArdle, Gourock, said: “UEFA have overturned have awarded Rangers a 3-0 over Aris Limassol after they discovered the plumber who scored in Cyprus wasn't CORGI registered.” On to more serious matters and the search for a new boss to replace Michael Beale. Jimmy Neil, Glasgow, said: “Grateful for the three points, but again not a great performance from Rangers. In fact up to the second goal, VAR was our best player.”

George Munro emailed: “What manger of quality would want this job, knowing he is inheriting a squad of duds that Beale bought? Dr Robert Pender emailed: “Fans should not influence the choice of a new manager. I with many other Rangers supporters would rather the board take their time even it gives us less chance of catching Celtic this year. In the long term the head of recruitment should be experienced and strong, the manager aggressive with good player management. The board must not throw money away with poor selling and buying.”

Eddie Easson Ballingry, said: “So the The Good Doctor Pender is wishing for a fairy godfather to bail them out. It’s never going to happen as they missed the boat. Celtic have two billionaires on their board with others wanting to join but can’t."

Andrew Lamb, Fraserburgh, said: “The safest and most reliable man that stands out is Derek McInnes. He's knows the Scottish game, knows a player, and has worked on small budgets.”

Paddy Gowans emailed: “Rangers have no chance of getting a big name manger. Scottish football a joke, the Champions League proves that we can't play the kind of football required for Europe.”

Denis Bruce, Glasgow, said: “Rangers cannot afford to make another managerial mistake. On the list that we have heard of, only two credible candidates stand out, Muscat and McInnes. Both know the club and they know the demands made by Scottish football. Whoever is chosen will need time to knock the team into shape. That may mean jettisoning the dead wood ,namely ,those players who cannot respond to the new manager's urging. As a Celtic supporter, the SPFL needs a strong Rangers to compete with Celtic to make the race for the title more interesting.”

Alan Forrest scored a screamer for Hearts in the Edinburgh derby draw and Robert Livingston, Palm Beach, said: “Forrest showed how easy it can be done. What a absolute cracker of a goal against Hibs. It should be compulsory viewing for Lammers, Dessers and Danilo. Forrest, Lawrence Shankland and Alex Lowry would be good at Ibrox."

Meanwhile Neil Renton, Leith, said: “Whichever one of the Hearts management team decided to take off Alex Lowry against Hibs denied their side a win. The playmaker had terrorised their city rivals. Subbing him was a disaster for the Jambos.” Finally, Aberdeen’s recent good form hit the skids against St Johnstone and Tam Bain, Desborough, said: “The Dons are really rubbish up front, All that money spent on forwards and they couldn’t score in a brothel – absolutely rubbish.”