Genuine Risk, Winning Colors, and Regret at the Kentucky Derby

The Kentucky Derby is the longest-running American sporting event. Three mares have won in the Derby’s history: Genuine Risk, Winning Colors, and Regret. The taxi line to Churchill Downs is blocked by 60 or 70 private jets. Churchill is ten minutes away from the racetrack. The crowd at the race is only four times the size of the crowd that comes to the track to see the horses race.

The Kentucky Derby is taking place at Churchill Downs. The general admission section is called the Derby Party. It's a place where people can watch the race and drink bourbon. The infield is debaucherous, but sweetly tinged with the illusionary relief that things are back to normal. For now, the racetrack is capitalizing on their city’s day of pride and shame with cops on every corner. They're slowly edging the lower class out of neighborhoods in which they've lived for generations. This year”s choice to win, Epicenter, was made in a genetic blender with his daddy Not This Time and mama Silent Candy.

There is a custom that doesn't feel right. It can probably be traced back to eugenics.

The Kentucky Derby is taking place today. Cameron got there too early and has to go around the wrong side of Churchill Downs. He is drinking Red Bull-vodkas and corndogs and drinking. He's drinking with people who are drunk and coughing into his mouth. The Derby has a full capacity now after the COVID lockdowns. It's 11 hours of slowly losing his grip on reality. His friends are drinking and smoking. They are talking about the horses. One of them is a staff member. She's smiling. Her job is fun. There are 16 million viewers at home.

Jame is going to the Kentucky Derby. He's not going because he's bad at math, but because of the last $12 he pulled from the ATM that morning. The first notes of Kentucky state anthem sends everyone into a foaming fervor. The Messier Girls join in with the crowd of impassioned cheers. A few people cross their arms, furious at the people who cheered. Some people in the infield are angry at people cheering. Louisville is one of only a few districts in Kentucky to vote blue two years ago. One of them turns to Jame with daggers in her dilated pupils. She thinks he made the wrong noise.

Rich Strike won the Kentucky Derby. He passed his drug test and his jockey got suspended for careless riding. His trainer was canceled for tweeting something repulsive about the Vice President. Jamie Loftus is an Emmy-nominated comedy writer and creator of podcasts like My Year in Mensa, Lolita Podcast, and Ghost Church. Her history of hot dogs, Raw Dog, will come out with Macmillian Publishers next year. The next morning Jamie wakes up in a cold sweat in her hotel bed and reach for her phone to check the news.